Day 4: 12:41 AM

Day 4 03/08/2012

I saw you at the CAPS office today. The words you said made me so relieved and feel loved.
"I couldn't forget you even if I wanted to."
Thank you for the words and the hug. They made my day. I love you.

I met with the Doc and with Associate Chancellor Nies. They were a great help...

I told the Doc about my epiphany. I.e. I have to work on myself for the sake of improving myself, not for the sake of us getting back together. He said that if I try to improve myself for an exterior motive, it would not be genuine improvement.

He's right, of course. I can't control your feelings nor improve you by worrying. I have to work on the thing I DO have control over. Myself. I want to be a better person when I see you again. I want to be more mature. Someone who has the capacity to unconditionally love you because I have self-love, self-understanding, and self-control.

I've been mulling over the Dalai Lama's Rules for Living. I like these:
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
If it were easy, everyone would be in a relationship.

3. Follow the three Rs:

1. Respect for self – Confidence is key in success and one who does you respect himself does not believe in himself. Thus, if you do not respect yourself, you cannot possibly succeed in anything great, nor can you respect others.
2. Respect for others – And you will be respected in return. Anyone who does not return that respect is immediately letting you know that they are not worth your time, and that they do not respect themselves. Avoid weak/insecure/self-loathing people.
3. Responsibility for all your actions – You alone are responsible for your feelings, actions, success, etc. You are in complete control of your life, so do not try and blame other people for your mistakes or misfortunes.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
(The text in Arial was from the website I got it off of. I liked it so I kept it in.)

I've found that music has been an excellent outlet for me. I'm working on a song for you. I'm done with the first verse (20 bars) and I've also finished the bridge. Now to come up with a hook or a chorus and the second verse. I'll play it for you one of these days.

I'll be working on my schoolwork, sleep a little earlier, and start working out beginning tomorrow. Some natural dopamine in my system will do me good.

I'm off now. Good night RSFO.